The traditional idea of marriage has changed over the last few decades. In 2004, U.S. residents spent $469.5 million on online dating and personals. (www.newsdial.com) More and more people are beginning to find love in chat rooms and through websites instead of in public places. Though online dating has taken the awkwardness out of first dates; it has also been the catalyst for many divorces. While making it easy to find your “soul mate,” online dating has also made it easier to cheat. The evolution of technology has had a direct impact on the effort we put into establishing relationships. It has also made it easier for those who might not be as outgoing to meet people. It’s a give and take relationship one could say. Online dating has its ups and downs but one thing is for sure, it has definitely made an impact on our perception of how to go about finding a mate.
Online dating has enhanced the chance of finding a mate for those who otherwise might not have had the time or courage to look. Instead of wasting time with someone who might not have any of the same interests; dating sites allow people the chance to find others that share common ground. This leads to better relationships and more open lines of communication. (Hickson) Getting to know each other through interests helps the person to feel more comfortable, allowing the relationship to progress. There’s also the advantage of having more choices of who you can meet and also being able to deny the requests of those you aren’t interested in, all while remaining anonymous. The internet has completely revolutionized how we approach relationships and eventually marriage. There is no longer a fear of rejection which would more commonly be associated with face to face meetings.
Along with the ups, there are also the negative aspects of technology being used to find partners. On most dating websites men outnumber the women and are also more likely to be looking for a physical relationship. People also aren’t always who they claim to be which leads to short term relationships. There are often misrepresentations presented to some members; whether it’s their job, kids, education, or even their relationship status. Some people also use dating websites as an easy means for infidelity. They often benefit from being able to meet people without disclosing a large amount of personal information.
Sites also often misrepresent their statistics of success. They measure success by their number of members who get married which is sometimes misleading. The promotion of unrealistic expectations creates the idea for most members that they will find their “perfect match” without the hard work it takes to maintain a relationship. This sends the wrong message to online daters. It creates the mindset that happiness is only defined by marriage in an already divorce saturated society. The tests used to measure compatibility aren’t always as accurate as the sites claim they are. The tests do not guarantee a soul mate which some members believe. (Tracy) Online daters tend to lose sight of the hard work that having a relationship actually is. Having a search engine find a mate for you creates this illusion that relationships are easy and you shouldn’t have to work for them. The benefit of a traditional relationship leading to a marriage is that you actually get to know that person in every light; flaws and all. A relationship that stems from an online encounter often has trust issues. (Vyhmeister) Most people who are members of online sites interact with more than one person so the thought of logging on is always there even while in a relationship.
Using technology to find a mate brings back the feeling of being wanted for those who use it. There’s always someone who will be matched to you and with so many people online, you’re bound to meet someone even if they’re the wrong person for you. This brings back the fun of dating by allowing you to browse many profiles without the fear of rejection. (Reeves) Many use online dating sites to bring back the excitement into their lives even if they’re already in a relationship. By looking for other people online, they’re cheating without physically cheating but it still has the same mental effect. Even sites like ashleymadison.com are making it easier for two people to cheat who are in marriages or long term relationships. There was an interview on the Dr. Phil show where the creator of ashleymadison.com explained why he created his site. Users of the site were also on the show and claimed that through the site, they were able to save their marriage because they had an outlet. It made them appreciate their partner more because they felt better about themselves. In a way, you can say that some people gain their self-esteem and self-worth back by using these sites; despite the fact that the end result of these rendezvous could be devastating.
Actually going to a place to meet people is becoming a thing of the past. People are too busy in this day in age to take the time to find a partner. Traditional relationships are too much work for some and intimidating to others. The stories of people meeting in college or in the grocery store are becoming obsolete. Online dating has made it easy for people to find someone with minimal effort. This cripples some users though, when they do have the opportunity to meet a great person they’ll lack the social skills to maintain interest. Think of it as being married for twenty years and now all of a sudden you’re back on the market. That could be compared to being a thirty year old businessman who has always looked for dates online. When he’s confronted by a woman who is interested in him one would assume that the meeting would be very awkward. Without being able to sit and think of the next thing to say he’d probably come off as goofy or weird. Using chat rooms doesn’t prepare you for real life conversation. You have to think on your feet instead of googling a clever quote from a poem. Technology has made many things obsolete. We are in a world where without everything being a click away we’d be lost. This is sadly also becoming the case with relationships.
The use of online dating as a means for marriage has created this idea that the person you meet is “the one.” People jump into marriages not really knowing the person they actually met; this adds to the rising divorce rate. The perception of a traditional marriage is completely different from fifty years ago. Technology has completely changed what we deem acceptable as far as finding a mate is concerned. It was once taboo to talk about meeting someone online. Many would make up stories about how they met. Just like all things evolve, so do relationships and the methods we use to find and maintain them. The use of online dating sites to find someone is going to be around for a while. The use of sites is increasing every year and now that it’s acceptable, more and more will look to this method in the future. Without it, the divorce rate would probably be lower. Research shows that the divorce rate is at an all time high and that has to be at least in a small part a result of marriages from online relationships. The next evolutionary step is not as widely used for websites, but video chatting with software like Skype could be the next step for dating websites.
There are many happy marriages that started from online dating sites. There are also many marriages that ended because of them. There’s a check and balances that comes from dating sites. The people whose marriages ended because of dating sites will be the same ones who log on to find a date. It’s an endless circle which is what keeps these sites afloat. The idea of traditional marriage is becoming more and more obsolete every day, but everything must progress. We’re living in a society where everyone wants to do the next “IT” thing. As far as relationships go, online dating has certainly made its presence known.
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